Conquering Fear

I just made a list of personal things that I have accomplished in the Peace
Corps so far:
~ I have slowed down and nearly eliminated stress from my life
~ I have learned to appreciate kids and their abundant energy
~ I recognize the importance of setting aside pre-conceived notions
~ I have can now make fun of and laugh at myself
~ I have conquered fear

The last item on the list includes all sorts of things. The fear of spiders,
scorpions, the dark, loneliness, and most recently, dark water. For as long
as I can remember, the thought of jumping into any body of water in general,
and in the dark especially, nearly gave me a panic attack. In direct
conflict with this fear has been my desire to explore the cave that sits
right here in my village. The cave is awesome, but to truly experience Blue
Creek cave, you have to swim in with nothing but a headlamp and some guts
for over a mile underground to an interior waterfall. I have heard of this
experience, but have so far shied away. Sunday, a group of visiting students
from the U of Vermont invited me to go with them on a guided tour, and since
I am friends with the guide, I agreed to go.

So I donned my headlamp, my chacos, and some swimming shorts and followed
the eager group into the 50 ft tall cavern. Swimming into darkness, with
stalactites looming high above is one of the creepiest feelings I have ever
had. Our small lights created eerie shadows on the limestone walls, and the
crystal clear water was black for lack of light. Rosalio, our guide,
pointed out the bats above and the catfish and eels below. I wasn't
panicking yet, a good sign. I kept up with the group, but swimming nearly a
mile against a mild current is tough. At some points we scrambled over rocks
and small waterfalls, but then it was back to swimming, at times through
passages as narrow as a hallway and at others through rooms with Cathedral
like dimensions. We rested in a large cavern, taking the opportunity to
turn out our lights and sit in the complete darkness, with only the sounds
of the river and the waterfall we were seeking to remind us that we were
awake. We reached the 30 ft fall and it was worth the trip. The soft
limestone rock created pools and ledges as the water made its way out the
cave, reminding me more of an indoor climbing wall than anything.

Going out was easier with the current, but I was in no hurry. I let my legs
dangle into the the cool, dark, water, not even worried about the unknowns
underneath. Emerging into the light was wonderful, but I knew that from
that point on, I would have a whole new outlook on the water.