Feeling Better

Okay – I am doing better than the last post. Sometimes you just have to vent, let the world know that each day isn’t always cheery and fun. I am in Placencia now, saying goodbye to my favorite little beach village. I am enjoying a final Gelato, a few goodbye rum and cokes, last dips in the Caribbean sea, and plenty of laughs with my favorite people. It is great. Three weeks from today, I will be home, enjoying BBQ and listening to my sweet little 4-year old niece tell me about her day. Amazing.

Impossible

I want to cry and scream right now.

I want to cry because I miss home so much and I just want to close my eyes and be there, cool breezes and unimaginable freedoms. I want to cry because I am leaving Blue Creek in 18 days, leaving this life that I have worked so hard to build. I want to cry at the thought of the end of this impossible dream. I want to cry because it is all a little too much right now.

I want to scream because I am frustrated, depressed, and overwhelmed all at the same time. I want to scream because there is so much more that I could have done and I didn’t, so many boxes left unchecked and plans yet to be realized. And I want to scream because one more day of this mud, heat, and bugs may be my undoing.

I want to know how to deal with it all, to stay focused on the work yet to be done, to pack up my entire life, and to rise above the bitterness that makes me want to shut myself away from all of the needs that I couldn’t address and the people whom I imagine will not understand why I am leaving. I want to know how to end this two years with a feeling of accomplishment rather than abandonment.

I want to cry and scream because life is a big contradiction and it is impossible to make sense of it all.

Glovers Atoll

I dropped off the face of the earth last week, it was great. No email, electricity, cars, phones, or shoes. Myself and 4 of my favorite fellow volunteers headed out to a little slice of rustic paradise called Glovers Reef, a coral atoll some 35 miles off the coast of Belize. For a mere pittance, we got a cabin over the water for a week, all the snorkeling we could handle, and more barracuda, lobster, and conch than we could possibly eat (though we managed). All that was required was a commitment to a full week of absolute relaxation on an island paradise, a week supply of food and water, and sunscreen.

Highlights of the trip included the guys lobster hunting with home-made tools (and hands), a feast of 4 fresh Barracuda and a Grouper that the guys brought home, endless hours of card games, and snorkeling in a coral paradise of colorful fish, sharks, and rays. I also perfected the art of coconut identification (what is a good coconut?), procurement (how do I get it out of the tree?), opening (now that I have the coconut, how do I get it open?), and enjoyment (first you drink da sweet sweet wata, den yu put a lita lime on di coconut...). I got a little tanner, learned how to fillet a fish, and that feeding a Nurse Shark by hand off our dock is not all that dangerous (they don’t have teeth). It was a perfect way to begin my transition from Peace Corps Shella back to USA Shella. Enjoy some pictures and I’ll be seeing you soon.

Updates

All is well in Belize, things are calming down from last week's storms, but we are still completely cut off from the Northern half of the country. Here is a good and thorough article, http://www.huntingtonnews.net/columns/080610-kinchen-columnsbelizediary.html

I am planning to travel north on Friday before a week out at Glovers Reef with some dear friends. Keeping my fingers crossed on the weather.

Lots of love,

Shella

Appreciation: Week 3

May 25th – May 31st

52: I appreciate the return of the rainy season and the end of the hot and dusty
51: I appreciate a cloudless, moonless night when the power is out and you can see every star
50: I appreciate a job interview over the phone that went very well, even if I didn’t get the job
49: I appreciate NPR podcasts and the news that they deliver
48: I appreciate postcards on beer coasters from friends that miss me
47: I appreciate the energy to go for a run and the cloudy skies for making it tolerable
46: I appreciate hungry PCV’s who appreciate my homemade curry

Weather in Belize

Rainy Season has arrived very suddenly and dramatically. After two months of very dry weather, the past 10 days have brought us two Tropical Depressions, flash flooding, and the country being completely paralyzed due to the collapse of a main bridge on the Southern Highway, the only source of food and gas to my part of Belize. I may be evacuated up North, but am on standfast right now waiting to see what happens. There has been a rush on all food staples and many roads where I am at are impassable. Read the AP article here. I will keep you all updated as I figure out what the heck is going on.

Love.